The next few months were a blur for me. I was both outside and inside time. The 2nd Person of the Trinity gazed out upon all creation and I knew I could easily become lost in the gaze. The Word just become flesh didn’t become disconnected from all the things he loved. Part of the human child being formed still looked upon specific aspects of the vast universe and loved them. The 2nd Person of the Trinity had a little resistance to being removed from an active individual relationship with all the parts of creation; the resistance of having to say goodbye to some things you loved for a time, for a period of travel to a distance place where some of the things you loved couldn’t go. The 2nd Person wasn’t reluctant to go. He had only just become human and he was already wishing he could bring everything with him on his journey deeper into the human heart.
He caught me laughing to myself when I thought that come hell or high water, he was going to try to bring all things into the love of his human and divine heart. He sparked at me with a mischievous challenge that told me, “You think I can’t do this.” My only response was to say, “But I think you have to wait.” He laughed and said, “I guess, I’m stuck having only you to make the journey."
He smiled as his awareness of me slipped into the experience of the miracle of his becoming a human child, the powerful moment of growth of his taking the form of a human boy. What I saw in that form taking shape was a myriad of beautiful moments, the many colors of life linking and shaping and becoming a child. I was speechless. “That will be day that you are speechless,” said the ever present Holy Spirit.
I pulled together all the courage I had and told the Holy Spirit to stand down. I knew the Spirit wanted to say a few things about my arrogance, but the Spirit stepped back and gave me room to witness on my own what was happening. He added a quick, “I’m glad to see you’re taking you part seriously.” My response was, “Everyone is a director.”
Then I too became lost in the experience of the 2nd Person of the Trinity becoming a human boy.
<blockquote>At this point, I need to tell you that my narrative flow of this experience doesn’t come to me in a linear way. I remember things in spurts. It often feels like I lived this, I’m reliving it, and I have yet to live it. My retelling of the experience to you will come to you in the ways I remember it with my making creative editorial choices on what experience of memory comes next.</blockquote>
I was standing outside the body of Mary as she stood before the handsome man who she was her betrothed. “Joseph,” she said, “I am pregnant.” He outwardly remained calm but inside he was shocked, hurt, and angry. She added, “I know I have no right to ask for your support, but..” She preceded to tell him the story of what happened. He turned from her and walked away.
I found myself following him. He stopped and sat on the edge of the Nazareth’s south well near his home. He was troubled, but he was a prayerful man, so he voiced the request, thinking of Raphael in the story of Tobit, “Who can help me.”
In response to his request, he could see me. “Who are you,” he said.
“I...,” almost choking on my response as I thought of what I’ve had to say to Gabriel about the claim I was about to make, “I am your angel. I am here to tell you that you can believe Mary. She is the best of women. She is the best of everyone.” He nodded as if I was telling him something he already knew.
He said, “But can I…” Knowing what he was going to ask, I responded quickly, wondering who was I to tell him this hard truth. “No you cannot lie down with her to have physical relationship as a husband to wife.” His face turned red. It was clear he loved Mary. When he was first betrothed to her, he felt a sexual attraction that had grown over time.
“Carpenter, think of what you will be making, building. You will care for and love this woman. You will protect her and her child. The child is a boy and he will be your son. You will prepare him as a man to be the person who will do the great things you have read about in scriptures.” He was only half listening to me as he stared down the street to porch of his home where Mary still stood. He nodded to me and turned to walk back to her. I could see him embrace her and then my awareness was pulled back to experiencing the new life being formed in her womb.
I hoped that I didn’t run into any angels for awhile. Since I had the basic outline of the story ahead, I knew that was unlikely.